precious three seconds moment

I have one question.
This never occured to me before.
But, well, under this circumstances, I can’t help but wondering.

What would you say to the President of Republic of Indonesia if you get a chance to shake hands with him?

Oh… put that smiling face off of you! No kidding. I mean it.

I was at the State Palace last Friday (I know, I sound so important, huh?) on the commemorating of World AIDS Day. My office sponsored the event.
So we had a chance to shake hands with the president. On this rare precious (oww please!) opportunity, what would you say?

should I talk about SBY 100 days program?
about poverty?
poor mode of transportation?
HIV prevalence?

It’s only 3 seconds face to face moment, so the photographer could take your pictures.
(and I made sure they did not miss, hehe..).

Know what I said?
"Thank you"

For what??? Yeah… I’m not sure.
It just slipped my mouth.

So you’d better start thinking on what would you say, in case someday you have that precious three seconds. *grin

anak-anak bergincu

http://www.prixextraawards.com/awards/ps_m_le-sida-tue-encore.gif"/a> I finally got a chance to watch this play.
“Anak-anak Bergincu” by Bandung Wangi.
We couldn’t make them perform in State Palace on the commemoration of World AIDS Day, the protocol regulation was rigid. But we managed to make them perform on the Seminar on HIV/AIDS.

You see, the story was based on true story. It’s about young girls who were forced to work and sold by their bloody father! Yup, you heard me, their own bloody father!
They were told to be working as waitress. But they became sex workers instead.
Their fathers will come and collect the money from the pimp.
They must watch their back from ‘razia’. The police would put then in jail.

The play was funny. The words were witty. But it’s a tear-dropping, heart –breaking story.

Here’s the lyrics I remember from their song:
Kami tak mau hidup begini
harus terus berlari
Kalau ketangkap masuk bui
Si boss menebus dan dipotong gaji.

something tickes in your heart? or it's just me?

inspiring quot

This is taken from Arthur Golden's book "Memoirs of a Geisha", quot from
Laksamana Yamamoto.
" I'm not trying to defeat the man. It's his self-confidence that I'm conquering,
and the rest will follow. Once one's self-confidence shakes, one can not focus to victory".





what a genious!
and it works a miracle...
I'll tell you all about it later. right now, i'm still dumbfounded how that words can really explain what just happened...

bye alson . . .

Good men are always taken

that's the quot I used to say as I joke.
you know, when I got a crush on a man, then I found out that he's married.
well, girl stuff.

but now, that quot means a lot deeper.
sadder.

alson.
he died this morning. cancer.

he was such a nice friend.
he was mad when someone hurt me.
he warned me when I was about to fall.
he pushed me up when I fell (and not even blaming me for ignoring his warning).
he jeopardized himself for my sake.

what did he ask for return?
none.

he's the example of a true friend.
he's a good man.
and now... he's taken.

God took him away, put him in a better place.
may God rest his soul.
may his wife and his two little angels have the strenght to face it.

Good bye, Alson.

shut your heart?

"you can close your eyes to things you refuse to see..
but u can`t close your heart to things u refuse to feel.."`


damn right, isn't it?

yesterday I got bad messages, from a friend. ex-friend, now after the mean things he said to me. Such a mystifying messages, coming from a prominent person, a role model of good attittude and intellectual. a lecturer.

well, it happened after he sent me message. an ordinary one during Eidul Fithr. you know... minal aidin and stuff. but, as always, he preached.
I dont like he's preaching me. Now that I observe that he doesn't always do what he says. I am the 'action speaks louder than words' kind a girl. All the talk is cheap.
He, as I observe, is 'no-action-talk-only' kind a guy.

so, as a friend, I reminded him about the promise he made. The promises that I am sure he didn't mean saying it.

so I replied his message:
"please forgive me too. but a promise is a promise. one still owe it until he fulfill it."

actually, he didn't promise me the world or anything. only simple things. I just hate how easy he made promise and took for granted that someone would remember it. maybe even, expected it.
and THAT- the message I want him to get: don't say things you don't mean. you have no idea how it might affect people.

apparently, the my-promise-reminder activated his furious mode. must be something he ate! I don't see any words that might make one feel offended, do you?
in short, there he went, flooding me with his full of preach and condemn sms. It got to my nerves, eventually. I dont see any relation my-promise-reminder with my educational background (which he said a 'waste' because I don't act like S2 graduated. and how exactly an S2 graduated should act anyway? Men often feel offended or threathened with women's degree. but this is too much!), my name (he said I was not entitled to hold a name 'fitri' and that I should change my name. his name is ahmad by the way, which in Arabic sort of means 'trustable'. yeah right!!) and words he took from a mule (don't look at me! I don't know what that means either...)

so I stopped replying his sms. later on, I stopped reading it. I erased it once I got it. there's no point.
but I felt . . . awful. discouraged.
If he beats me, I could beat him back. but if he says bad things, It goes through my heart without filter. without shields. even if I reply saying bad things, it won't make my heart any better, like the satisfying feeling when you strike someone.

I could shut my eyes and my ears, but I can't shut my heart.


ps. Did I mention that he is S3 graduated? well, he is. from abroad, too.
pps. In case you're wondering- No, I don't have love affair with him. ;)

the thing about temporary job . . .

fiuuuuuh...
three weeks now.
and my boss still irritates me and makes me nervous...

the thing about replacing someone in temporary manner
is that she would never transfer all her knowledge to you!
why?
because she needs to feel (and make sure) that she is needed,
that people (in this case, specifically my boss) depend on her,
that live without her is a living hell.
at least that what my predecessor did.

she missed telling me the things I need to know
so when my boss asked me this this this...
the best answer I could give her is: let me find out. i'll get back to you later.
and my boss got "hhrrrrr.. I need it nnnnooowww.. I mean nnooowwww..."
well, sort of...

and... AND
she (my predecessor) gave me wrong information.
misleaded.
that's okay... it only costs me a shorten-than-it-should-be vacation, several additional lines on my forehead, several hair fell, several headache, long lasting influenza (well, it IS related, because I had less rest).

it almost activated my 'frustration' mode.

but, really it's okay....
(errr, you can't see my nasty look, can you?)

virus

Jadi deh nih, gue sakit. Dari kemaren dah digeber CDR, trus Decolgen.
Tapi tadi di bis ada ibu-ibu batuk. Batuk asik aja gitu, ga pake tutup mulut.
Mana bis AC lagi, makin gatel kali ya tenggorokannya.
Pas kondektur nagih ongkos trus gue nengok, batuklah dia pas di depan muka gue
Abis itu si gue berpaling, ngebelakangin dia.
Tapi namanya tu bis penuh banget, ya ga nolong juga.

Kondektur : (towel towel)
Gue : nengok
Ibu-ibu : uhuk.. uhuk..
Gue : (kaget, mendelik, berpaling, mendengus sambil nyari ongkos)
Ni bang (ngasi duit ke kondektur tanpa berpaling)
Kondektur : ih somse deh!

Harusnya ada peraturan yang mengatur pencegahan penyebaran virus di tempat umum, misalnya bagi yang lagi flu harus pake masker atau harus bawa masker buat dibag-bagiin ke publik di sekitar dia.. Itu usul ke komisi berapa ya di DPR?)

di kantor. Taunya ada meeting kecil. Gue duduk di sebelah bos gue.
Taunya dia lagi fileggg.
Ya udah deh, makin riang gembira deh tu virus di badan gue dapat supply batalyon baru.

Jenderal virus : berita gembira kawan-kawan. Kita akan mendapat bala bantuan
dari negara Ingusitis. Baru saja mereka membersinkan diri untuk
memperkuat pasukan kita. Mari kita sambut mereka dan buat mereka merasa seperti di rumah sendiri. Sejauh mana persiapan kita, Kapten?
Kapten virus : Para musuh dari kerajaan afetaminophen sudah dibekuk, Capt!
Begitu juga penyusup dari organisasi multivitamin. Petugas Keamanan local. Yaitu Datasemen Antibodi juga sudah dilumpuhkan.
Jenderal virus : bagus, Capt! Mari kita sambut tamu kita.
(beberapa saat kemudian)
Jenderal virus : selamat datang, saudaraku! Semoga kalian mengalami ‘lemparan bersin’yang
menyenangkan.
Virus pendatang : Tentu la hay. Bersinnya lumayan keras lho boouw…
Kita mulai aja misi kita ya ‘nek …


Trus, here I am, depan compie, meler!
Bersin2. batuk2. pusing2.
Mana AC di tempat gue (tepatnya, di tempat duduk gue) dingin banget,
karena pas di bawah lubang AC.

Coba aja, besok atau lusa, suara gue pasti ilang.
Jenderal virus : Hallo, headquarter. Mission accomplished. I repeat: Mission
accomplished. Wait for next command. Roger and out.

mourn = flu

sakit flu itu ga akan sembuh
virusnya tak akan terobati
hanya bisa 'dijinakkan'
suatu saat bisa kambuh lagi.

kehilangan seseorang yang dicinta
itu seperti virus.
tak terobati
suatu waktu suka kambuh.

lagi seneng ceria gembira biasa aja
tiba-tiba... ouccchh!
dadaku terasa sakit.
inget papa.
kangen papa.

'flu' ku lagi kambuh.

nraktir

selasa
sms untuk cq, sarah, yuli, muti, dimel, yudi.
"Guys, ngumpul yuk hari kamis.
sambil buka puasa bareng. tante yang bayarrrr deeeehhh..."

selasa, rabu, kamis .... ga ada komen.

kamis pagi
"jangan lupa ya, nanti kumpul2, jam 17.30, di satay house (sate khas) Senayan
yang di Menteng (sblh Rapico)."

5 menit kemudian
cq: "Ok"

sampe siang cuma cq yang bales, terlalu.

kamis sore, ultimatum time!
"gue udah reservasi untuk 8 orang. AWAS kalo ga dateng!!"

5, 10, 12 dan 15 menit kemudian
dimel: "gue pasti dateng"

muti: "gue dateng telat..."

sarah: "oke fit, TQ"

yuli: "aku ga dateng, iwank mau ke agensi. ga bisa nganterin"

kamis maghrib.
"cq lu dmn? gw dah di sini. buruan!!
kadonya ga usyah dibungkus ;) "

duh, mau nraktir aja repot banget.
mau berbuat baek aja susah..... blllrrrrrrbbbbb!!

arti kedutan

kedutan.
katanya kalo di mata bagian bawah, pertanda jelek.
di mata bagian atas, pertanda bagus.
tahayul?
maybe yes, maybe not.
empat hari lalu, bangun tidur, mata kiri bagian atas kedutan.
seru bener kedutannya.
sampe gue pegangin pake tangan aja masi kerasa banget kedutannya.
di bagian atas siiih, pertanda baik biasanya.
tapi sebelah kiri, ngaruh ga ya?

eniwei, ga lama setelah itu, ada telpon.
ternyata panggilan kerja.
baru dua minggu nganggur. dah ada tawaran.
dari agensi internasional lagi, yang gajinya... wlurrrrrppp!
menggiurkan.

lucunya abis telpon itu, ga lama ada telpon lagi.
dari agensi yang sama tapi proyek beda.
jadi critanya gue kandidat untuk dua posisi itu.
dan dua2 nya udah pasti diterima.
tinggal gue aja milih.
enak ya?

rejeki bulan ramadhan. alhamdulillah.
walopun temp.
mayan lah.
who knows nanti gue dapet kedutan lagi untuk posisi yang lebih baik,
atau posisi yang permanen.
kedutan?
bukan sirik, tapi kali aja emang itu 'clue' dari Tuhan.
believe it or not deh!

tribute to good friends

I am surrounded by good friends
lucky me!
looking back, I've always had friends who lifted me up when I was down
stood by for me
i didn't even realized that, sometimes.

I remember icus & nantha
they accompanied me to get guardian
I remember toro
he came running when I was in trouble
I remember adi
cheered me up and soothed me
I remember alson
he seek the truth for me
I remember schubert
never tired of listening
I remember alin
my number one defender
I remember many more..
and more..
and more to come (I hope)

boy,
what have I done to them?
me silly!

in the wee hour 4 august 2004

ouwww my heart
felt so heavy
glimps of memories
took turns like photo slide

I sighed.
apparantly, it activated tear gland
my eyes started to blur
that lost still there

duh, papa!
hold my heart
count its beat
I miss you that much!

si boss ada-ada aja ih...

Boss: coba cari daftar nama-nama Bupati yang kemaren milih SBY
Gue : (bingung, tapi merasa bukan orang kedua tunggal, jadi diem ajah)
Lusty: kan pemilu rahasia Pak… gimana taunya mereka pilih siapa.
Gue, Wenny, Lusty : (ketawa-tawa sambil berpandangan)
Boss: Cari tau deh, kita mau kirimin surat satu-satu.
Gue : Buat apa pak? (just can't resist)
Boss: Ngucapin selamet SBY telah menang di daerah dia, sekalian kita tawarin buat bikin profil daerah dia. Coba dicari deh!

Pertanyaan:
1. Kalopun di kabupatennya yang menang SBY, apa iya Bupatinya pasti milih SBY?
2. Kenapa Bupati yang kemaren milih SBY yang ditawarin?
3. Ngapain ngucapin selamet kalo SBY menang? Kita toh bukan tim suksesnya…

suka ada-ada aja si Boss!

reverse psychology

“Gue gimana? Oke kan? Ga malu-maluin kan? Aduh, lagi bad hair day lagi!”

It’s fifty times she asked those similar tone questions. And I’ve poured her with one hundred sixty three times morale booster comments, like: You look awesome. You’re a knock-out. Perfecto. Irresistable. Yummy (okay, I know I was too much!).

“Aduh gw kayak bangun tidur ya? Mata gue sembab banget. Tengsin deh gue. ”

We were two blocks away from the meeting point, about five minutes away. After 35 minutes journey, one hour preparation and forty five minutes ‘should-I-go’ discussion session.

“Ah, gw ga pede niiy. Gue bakal malu-maluin diri sendiri aja.”

This is the time when I’m supposed to cheer her up, encourage her.
But man, couldn’t she get enough?

“Kita pulang aja yuk….”

WHATTT?? After all the morale booster I gave?
That’s it! She’s got to has it!

“You’re right. You look awful. We’d better go home”. I said, unexpectedly.

“What? You’re joking, right?”, she asked disbelievingly.

“ No, seriously. You can’t meet him like this. You’ll be a clown. Public laugh. He will despise you”

“ How could you say that? Why you didn’t tell me before?”, she exclaimed.
I gave her ‘there’s nothing else I could do about it’ look.

“ You said I look awesome. A Knock Out. Two Thumbs Up. Now suddenly you said that I’m ugly? That I’m not good enough for him? Is that what you mean?”, look irritated, she sat back on the driver seat.

I sighed. We’re in parking lot.

“Beside, who does he think he is? Prince of Denmark? Ho-ho! Even if he is, he can’t treat me like that! He might be beautiful, but I’m not that bad either.”, there she went, begun to come to her senses.

“I mean, look at me! I’m not bad at all! I could make all men turn their head twice at me! Just watch me.”

“Let’s go! It’s show time.”, she said, gave the last glance to the mirror. Look self-satisfied.

Well, well… whaddaya know?
reverse psychology always works!

Don Corleone

Mendelssohn
Violin Concerto in E Minor.
Dari mulai solo violist gesek biolanya, gue seperti berada di jamannya Don Corleone.
Yap! The Godfather.
Gue tu seperti lagi berada di ruang tengah keluarga Corleone itu, dengan suasana serba putih, terang, tapi ga tau kenapa, terasa shabby.
Gue denger suara musik di kebun belakang. Pasti paman Corleone buat pesta lagi.
Gue seperti ngeliat diri gue berjalan ke kebun, musik semakin jelas, Don Corleone menyapaku, cium pipi, terus menyuruhku menikmati pesta. Bau pasta dan daging merebak kemana-mana.
Kelebatan adegan di film Godfather silih berganti di otakku. Sudut-sudut jalanan. Tembak-tembakan. Orang sembunyi di balik pintu. Perempuan-perempuan dalam gaun pesta. Orang-orang berdansa.

Mendelssohn. Romantis banget dah!

Dari dulu tu gue selalu nganggep film Godfather tu film romantis.

orchestra

Mungkin ga si kalo kita tu ngerasa nyaman di crowd yang kita ga kenal?
Agak aneh ya?

Contoh satu:
Loe ke pesta, dress up to the nine, sendirian. Sampe sana ga ada yang loe kenal. Dan semua orang sudah nyaman dengan kelompok masing-masing. Loe dicuekkin. Males kan?

Contoh dua:
Ke bioskop, film seru, sendirian. Di sana banyak orang pacaran, gerombolan, dang a ada temen loe satu juga. Film mulai, loe ga bisa ngobrol kalo ada bagian yang loe ga denger jelas, ga bisa minta popcorn, garing deh!

Tapi beda kalo nonton orchestra sendirian.
Weitttsss.. bukan sok borju. Cuman, kebetulan aja kemaren dapet gratisan huehehe…
Kemaren si aku ga sendirian. Sama temen-temen.
Kalo konser begitu, sendirian malah lebih enak. Lebih enjoy.
Loe ga harus pura-pura ngerti musik klasik kok. Kebanyakan mereka juga ga pada ngarti hahaha…

Loe tu seperti tenggelam dalam alam pikiran loe sendiri.
Terlepas dari orchestra-nya ada kekurangan di sana-sini,
tapi aku menikmati kok.

resign

hmmm... for some people, it might be a careless decision, to resign from work these days.
especially when you haven't had another job.
I was one of them.
until now.

I will resign from my work.
I have prepared the letter.
just try to find the right time (which is rather difficult, since my boss is rarely around)
but I will.
today or tomorrow.

thought that rizqi has already been allocated.

Mars

I am quite positive
that 'sense of direction' has something to do with Mars and Venus.
also driving skill.
diving skill.
physics.

things that I'm not good at
I blame it to Mars!

so he thinks I'm not good enough...

well, ok.. I'm not very good.
it's quite normal I guess.. I've been vacuum for so long.
but that means I need more practice.
I need more encouragement.
don't you think?

not like this.
he discouraged me.
he tried to push me away
(as if i don't belong to that group of great people)

well, ok.. I got his point.
so... what I need to do is
prove that I can do it without him.
if he thinks I'm not good enough
and that he gives up
he shall see the real me!
not soon maybe,
but I will be good.
great.
awesome.

he'll see.

slide finger

does holding hands mean anything to you?
nope?
I might agree.

how bout, holding hands with his fingers slide into yours?

lebih nyetrum yeee???
hueheheee...

bisnis tu... ga kenal sodara

Sori kali ini agak serius.

Tanggal 4 agustus ini, tepat setahun papaku pergi. Satu hal tentang papa, dia ga terbuka tentang segala bisnisnya pada keluarga. Mungkin karena dia ga mau memusingkan kami. Jadi banyak hal ttg angkot misalnya yang kami ga tau. Yang kami tau, semua sekarang diurus adek papa. Tapi adek papa tu kayaknya ga terus terang dan nutup2in tentang semua hal. Padahal kita kan ahli warisnya…
Sikapnya itu membuat kita ga bisa nahan untuk berprasangka buruk. Seolah dia mau nguasain dan ambil alih semua. Dan memang kecenderungan itu dah keliatan sebulan sejak Papa meninggal. Tapi, ya tanah aja papa masih merah, kita ga mau ribut.
Ternyata semakin ke sini dia semakin ga bener. Belakangan ketauan kalo asset papa yang kini otomatis jatuh ke anak2-nya, udah dia agunin. Tanpa bilang kita. Boro-boro minta ijin. Bahkan dia sempet pindah rumah tanpa ngasi tau, telpon diganti, seperti ga mau kelacak. Coba tuh!
Lucunya, pas kita minta penjelasan dan pertanggungjawaban dia, dia malah mengaku bahwa asset itu semua adalah milik dia. Bahwa papa udah nyerahin itu semua ke dia. Parahnya lagi, dia emang megang semua surat-surat penting. Karena waktu papa masih ada, memang dia diserahin untuk ngurus masalah cicilan, setoran bank dll. But there’s no way papa handed over all to him. No way! Karena dua hari sebelum papa pergi, papa masih ngontrol dan minta setoran ke dia. Dan beberapa waktu sebelumnya, kita sekeluarga pernah ngebahas tentang itu. Papa tegasin kok kalo bisnis itu untuk biaya sekolah adek-adek.
Masa tau-tau itu jadi milik dia, hanya karena dia pegang smua suratnya? Lucunya dia bilang sama adek gue, kalo dia tetap akan bantu sekolah adek gue. Bantu? Man, those are ours! We don’t ask for pitty. We just want our right for God’s sake! Kok tega-teganya si dia? Ambil hartanya anak yatim bukannya dilarang agama? Mau ke kyai manapun, biar pengadilan akan berpihak pada dia, tep aja itu bukan hak dia. Ga akan berkah bukan rejekinya dan keluarga yang dihidupinya? Anyway, business emang ga kenal sodara ya?

kecoa

gue percaya setiap makhluk punya misi khusus di dunia ini.
paling ngga, pasti ada gunanya bagi makhluk lain.
manusia misalnya, misinya sebagai khalifah di dunia ini.
anjing misalnya, berguna sebagai teman manusia, menjaga manusia, mengusir kucing garong
kucing, menakuti tikus dan burung kenari (saaaah... twitty banget!)
tikus, walopun musuh petani tapi katanya buntutnya bisa jadi alternatif obat kanker.
dst... dst...

ada yang tau apa misi atau fungsi kecoa di dunia ini?

pertama, dia makhluk yang bentuknya menyeramkan.
lebih lagi, menjijikkan.
terus, dia tu suka nyosor. kalo kita coba menghindar, eh, dia malah nyamperin. blurggghhhhh!
trus dia suka iseng gitu terbang-terbang, ga ketauan mau mendarat dmn, bikin panik aja.
parahnya lagi,  kalo pas gelap-gelap kita ga ngeh, tau-tau . . . krekkkkkk!
badannya yang crunchy itu terasa di telapak kaki, garing-garing basah gitu dengan lendir yang croooottt aja keluar dari badannya. 

yup! disgusting!
*shiver*

tinggal gue aja yang abis itu melakukan tarian minta hujan orang indian, yang gue ga sadar pernah bisa, ditingkahi teriakan-teriakan histeris yang buat kaget seisi rumah.

apa itu misi kecoa di dunia ini?

agak ga terpuji si nurut gue. . .

Surpise Cake

Today is my mother's birthday.
I’ve been thinking to send her a cake.
A little surprise cake.
A chocolate mocha cream cake with chocolate mouse topping.
Slurrrppppp…
yummy!

I talked to my three brothers about my plan.
I talked to them separately, in whisper.
(ssshhhhh… it’s a secret. Mom’s supposed to know nothin’)
My brothers were all excited about the surprise plan, and about eating the cake, but not in SHARING the BILL.  Bluurrrrrrrggghhhh… brothers!
 
So we agreed in surprise cake project.
I ordered the cake from Dapur Coklat and asked them to deliver it at 19.00 (so everybody will be home already. And I will be home to take the bill).
 
Simple plan. 
  
  
Do you think anything could go wrong?
 
 
It’s not a big party.
It's just a cake we expect to come at 7 pm, then we slice it, and eat it.
Everybody’s happy.
 
 
Except. . .
 
 
The cake was delivered at 12.00 noon.
 
While I wasn’t home.
 
And my mother was home.
 
I couldn’t pay the bill.
 
So my mom paid the bill.
 
I complained to Dapur Coklat.
 
They were sorry.
 
But my mom has paid the bill.
 

 
So much for surprise cake!!! 
  
  
  
  
  
  
 

SAY NO TO SHOPPING

Sms received from a friend:

Ntar loe bisa cabut ga? Ke PS yuk…

Uhm… frankly I don’t feel like going. It’s a dangerous place.
It makes you blind by all the clothes, and shoes and sale.. and all the people who dressed up to the nine...
Really, it's a dangerous place.
It makes you go KALAP! (uhm... how do you say that.. Totally Uncontrollable?)
It’s my headquarter, though. Kantor Pusat.
That's the joke we say when we come there too often.

Last time I went there, I bought swim suit, t-shirt, tank top, earrings..
I know those will be at use someday!
Before that, I bought a blouse and bra.
I was sure those would be at use, too
someday…

Those happened quite a while, though.
While I was sooo much younger then...
(actually it was a week ago! But it is quite a while, I can assure you, considering I used to go there 2-3 times a week)

Anyway... today I don’t feel like going.
I don’t feel very well (I think I got symptoms of office sickness, you know, my back hurts, my shoulder hurts, my neck hurts… and I feel like having a good massage… creambath, perhaps?)
Beside, I have many personal things to do (like posting blogs, check friendster, apply job on-line, YM... and other small thing like washing and ironing my clothes...)
I also have to manage my cash flow. This sale season is really getting on my nerves. And I am quite helpless… *sigh*
And… (this is the most important part) I don’t dress appropriately to go there.

This is PS we’re talking about. A place to see and to be seen!
What if I meet the prospective people (for business, of course…for love too..) and he sees me not at my best?
What if I meet my ex boyfriend and he doesn’t see me at my best? Uuggghhhhhhh… no way! Or worse, what if I meet my ex boyfriend’s girlfriend and she sees me not at my best? Ah-ah! I can't manage to give her that pleasure!

The possibility is so scary.
*shiver*

In conclusion, I have many reasons not to go, don’t you think?
Now I made up my mind, it leaves only one problem:
How am I gonna tell my friend?

You see, I am having trouble saying no.
I hate disappointing people.
But, obviously I can’t tell her all the reasons I just tell you.
She’d think I am over-reacting.
And she would convince me that everything’s gonna be fine.
And I am quite helpless, remember?

Beside, my reasons would be too long for short message services.

So, instead I replied to her:
Ga. Gw ada rapat jam 5.

That seems smooth. Meeting at 5, continue with dinner at 7, finish at least at 8. Too late for shopping.
I just say no to shopping!

tanya jawab cinta

Tanyaku pada langit
Dimana sebenarnya cinta ada
Jawab langit kepadaku
Ada di dasar hatimu

Tanyaku pada mentari
Mengapa ada dusta dalam cinta
Jawab mentari kepadaku
Itu bukan cinta, sebab cinta itu kejujuran

Tanyaku pada siang
Mengapa cinta terkadang perih
Jawab siang kepadaku
Sebab kau tak pernah dapat memegang kendali cinta yang diluar
kehendakmu

Tanyaku pada daun
Mengapa airmata selalu mengiringi cinta
Jawab daun kepadaku
Airmata mengalir dari hati, tempat cinta bersanding dan ia akan terus disana

Tanyaku pada angin
Mengapa rindu dalam cinta sangat menyakitkan
Jawab angin kepadaku
Karena cinta mengisi jiwa dan hati bagai udara segar penuh wangi keindahan, dan ketika cinta menghilang nafas jiwamupun
tersengal mengibahnya

Tanyaku pada malam
Dapatkah cinta tinggal selamanya tanpa pernah pergi
Jawab malam kepadaku
Cinta tidak datang untuk pergi, namun cinta tidak datang untuk tinggal


(Jude)

what is it with man...?

what is it with man and his female best friend?
He said he cares for her, feels comfortable with her, doesn't mind to talk about almost anything w/ her, he even flirts w/ her, makes her feel flattered.
but..

he just wont make her his girl friend.
he wont date her.

ring a bell, girls?

ring a bell, guys?

He keeps complaining about his love life to his nice patient understanding female best friend.
How he must take her girlfriend and pick her up everywhere.
How he feels she manipulates his time.
How he feels his privacy invaded.

he goes on dating a demanding selfish spoiled baby possessif girl he keeps on complaining.

she (that nice patient understanding female friend) just has to be satisfied being a cheer-up buddy for a man she's been fond of.

what is it with man?

french

L'amour n'est pas 'parce-que'
mais 'malgre'. . .

The Past

I was wrong when I hurt you
Do you have to hurt me too?
Do you think revenge can make things better?
(The Past, Ray Parker Jr.)


fur p,
ca vait long temps.
je suis tres disolee, pardonne moi!

fur m,
J’ai fait tous parce que j’etais tres triste sans toi.
J’espere tu peux me pardonne.

s l o w m o t i o n

I bet you’ve experience this:
A chop of your life, that keeps playing on your mind.
On and on, in slow motion.
You didn’t know that on that few second, the hidden camera on your brain was in active mode.
You wouldn’t have thought, that your mind will replay that few second over and over.
But this time, in slow motion.

Years go by.
You still can picture that few second, still in slow motion.

Me, I have this kind of experience.
A few second of my life, freeze on my mind.
I still can view it, clearly.
The way he moved..
the way I turned my head..
the way wind played with his hair..
the way he forced a shy smile..
the way my heart pounded..
the way the crowd cheered..

In reality, it was just a few second.
In my slow motion replay, it goes much longer,
depends on the memory mode I choose.

Trilogy: Gaptek 2

"Okay, class. Masih inget kan minggu lalu kita sudah ngebahas tentang perkembangan teknologi komputer dan internet."
(I approach the OHP, handling my slide)

"Sebagaimana kalian tau, bahwa ngomongin internet ga lepas dari komputer. Bahkan kini komputer pun ga lengkap kalo ga ada fasilitas internet."
(They have brand new OHP. Looks nice. Looks sophisticated. Looks ow-please-God-help-me )

"Kalau kalian perhatikan, saat ini kita bisa mengirimkan gambar, lagu bahkan film lewat internet, yang sangat sulit dilakukan beberapa tahun lalu."
(uhmmm... how to turn this thing on?)

"Ini terjadi karena infrastruktur yang ada . ."
(switch the button? Done. How about this button? what the hell, just push. nothing happen. This button? Nope.)

". . kini terus dikembangkan dan semakin maju"
(calm...calm... don't show your confuseness. everything's gonna be fine. piece of cake!)

"Jadi hari ini kita . ."
(ouw! I pushed all button that this thing has. Huccome it wouldn't start?? help... mayday mayday!)

". . akan membahas tentang "Infrastruktur Komunikasi""
(usually, by the time I mention the topic of the day, the slide shows on the board. Taddaaaaaa... Tapi kali ini.. oh, well. Can't hide this confused look anymore.)

"Ada yang tau cara nyalain alat ini?"
(duh! dosen teknologi komunikasi nih? nyalain ohp aja ga bisa... *blushing*)

A student came forward, took the cable, put the socket into the wall. Tadddaaaa....
"Belum dicolokin, Bu...", he said, grinning.

Gubrakkkkkkkkk!!

ANGEL

Someone (not special, not really know him)
sent me sms last night:

I have a little angel
flying around with a hammer,
each person he hits gets a bit of my love.
I send him to you tonight.
I hope he beats you up like crazy.
Good night.

I replied:

Hit by a hammer?
Ouucchhh!!

In the morning, he wrote:
The angel I sent to you last night, came back to me this morning.
He watched you while you were sleeping.
He said you were cute.
I hit him and said,
“Stupid angel. You went to the wrong house!”

Sial!! *blurrrggghhh*

I replied:

Ow, that was your angel?
I thought I was dreaming, and he was my prince charming.
And he said I was cute???
He’s so sweet..
and SOOOO right!

Trilogy: Gaptek 1

Aku pikir anak sekarang tu dah pada internet savvy.
Lha mereka kan dah dikelilingi teknologi computerized.
Paling ngga, pernah lha yaa browsing internet?
Paling ngga, punya kali ya email address?
Taunya?
BC... (ga usah gue ulang dong, kepanjangannya. Liat di posting sebelumnya!)

Ternyata Tahap Inovasi di mereka (urutannya kalo ga salah: Innovator, Early Majority, Majority, Laggards) kebanyakan masih di level laggard!
Ya, ternyata Indonesia yang majemuk ini ga bisa dirata-rata tingkat inovasi penduduknya ya? Biar kata mahasiswa, yang katanya kaum intelektual, ternyata masih banyak yg blm terekspos internet. Gw coba mafhum (duile bahasanya!), mahasiswa kan juga dari latar belakang ekonomi dan sosial yang beragam? Betul?

Jadi waktu itu gw ngasi tugas buat mahasiswa gw (FYI, gw nyambi ngajar sminggu skali). Mereka bikin tugas kelompok ttg perkembangan computer dan internet di Indonesia. Paper kecil-kecilan, cuma empat halaman. Kayaknya biasa aja kaan?
Tapi usai pelajaran, bbrp orang nemuin gw untuk nanya2. Pikir gw, mereka nyari perhatian gue aja... *mesem-mesem seneng*

Mhs: Bu, nyari bahannya di mana?
Gw : ya ampun, bisa dari Koran, majalah, perpustakaan. Apa aja. Kamu kan dah gede… (gw jawab ringan, abis gw pikir mrk cuma sok akrab ama dosen. hehe… ge er ya gue!)
Mhs: ya ibu… majalahnya apa, judulnya apa Bu?
Gw : duh kamu, yang namanya nyari ya di situ seninya. Kumpulin dari beberapa majalah, Koran, buku. Atau coba aja di internet.
Mhs : (empty look) internetnya dmn?
Gw : (confuse look) ya… cari aja di search engine, google gitu.
Mhs : apa bu? Bentar saya tulis. Gugel?

Obviously, he had no idea what I’m saying.
And obviously, they’re not just trying to get my attention. Silly me.

Gw : G..o..o..g..l..e
(trus untuk jaga-jaga, gw tambahin)
www.google.com
Mhs :ooo… makasi bu.

The following week:

Mhs : Bu, saya blom bisa kumpulin tugas. Saya ga ketemu bahannya.
Gw : masa si? Saya ambil dari situ kok.
Mhs : saya kan ke gogel itu, trus ga ada apa-apanya… (innocent look)
Gw : (mencoba mencerna. Mulai dapet pencerahan)
Kamu ga ketik key word-nya? Computer di Indonesia. Atau Internet di Indonesia gitu.
Mhs : ketik dimana bu?

GubRaKKkkk!!!

PR (baca: pi ar) sukarela

Belum hilang benar kata-kata sakti Dian Sastro dlm salah satu iklannya “Ya siiih…”, udah makin banyak kosa kata dari iklan yang dijadikan bahasa gaul shari2.

Aku inget waktu minggu lalu ngajar. Aku buat semacam pop quiz gitu deeeh. Waktu aku minta salah seorang untuk menjelaskan tentang teknologi “wireless” (aku udah tulis di slide keunggulan dan kelemahannya), dan kebetulan dia bisa jawab dengan lumayan lancar. Iseng-iseng aku bilang, “Oke, sampai ketemu di Jakarta.” Spontan seluruh kelas ketawa. Mereka langsung ngenalin cuplikan kata-kata yang sering dikatakan juri “Indonesian Idol” yang ratingnya lagi lumayan naik di Indonesia. Dan ternyata, kata-kata yang aku ‘jiplak’ itu menjadi pemicu buat mereka untuk ‘meneruskan’ lawakan. Ketika mahasiswa berikutnya aku tes, dan jawabannya ga begitu memuaskan, salah satu temannya ada yang nyeletuk “eS Te De. Standard” seperti yang sering dicetuskan Muthia Kasim, salah satu juri Indonesian Idol. Waktu aku senyum-senyum, trus ngomong, “Gimana menurut yang lain?”. Salah satu siswa perempuan dengan manis menjawab, “Terserah Indra deeeh”, masih menjiplak juri Indonesian Idol, Titi DJ.

Moral of the story?
Dari segi marketing, pastinya si copy writer dah berhasil membuat kata-kata yang tertanam di benak konsumen. Cuma… kayaknya kita ga sadar bahwa kita udah ‘kemakan’ oleh para marketer yang telah menggempur kita dengan iklan-iklan/strategi marketing yang gencar itu. Kalo dari tahap pengambilan keputusan konsumen (yang AIDA itu, Awareness, Interest, Desire, Action) berarti si produk paling ngga udah mencapai ‘awareness’ bagi kita. Kata-kata itu, idealnya juga akan terasosiasi dengan produk yang menempel. Itu idealnya. Tapi nyatanya, banyak kok yang ga inget kata-kata “Tommy ga gitu deehh..” yang sering dijadikan olok-olok pada orang yang lagi asik cerita, berasal dari iklan apa. Oke, mungkin ada yang inget itu iklan shampoo. Coba tanya 10 orang, brp yang bisa nyebutin merk shampoo tersebut?

Ya… kita sering aja secara sadar men’quot’ iklan untuk bahasa gaul. Dan bagi yang kebetulan ga nyambung, bisa langsung di cap “kuper”. Padahal kan BC (belum cencuu), toh ‘quots’ tersebut sering cuma dijadiin bahan olok-olok.

Jadi… dengan sering men’quot’ tagline ato cuplikan-cuplikan iklan, brarti kan kita dah jadi pi ar nya produk itu. sukarela lagi, kerja sosial hehe...

Mini Skirt

I met this guy on wednesday night. He's the one that I mentioned earlier who treated me like his 'little sister'(*twink twink*). So we planned to meet at Pasaraya. He insisted to meet at Milenia Cafe Internet, which I wasn't sure the location. I could ask, of course. But I have this funny feeling about direction... I tend to get lost...
What can I say, I'm a direction blank champ!
Anyway, I strongly urged him to meet in food court. I was so hungry anyway. He was persistent in Milenia (i knew it at once, he wasn't in good mood). So I said, "Well, if you can't come to Food COurt, that's fine. I just eat then leave". *wakkaakkkaakk* That would surely worked! He thought I was angry, so he came runnin'. I wasn't angry actually, I was just HUNGRY!
Big difference! When you're hungry, what's the point of long uncertain search when food is right before your very eyes!
Long uncertain search for him??? Gimme a break! (of course I didn't say that to him. I simply (and sweetly) said, "Aku laper banget. Aku bisa keburu pingsan kalo harus jalan-jalan lagi. Apalagi aku harus nyari-nyari dulu, pasti aku nyasar. Tega banget siiy, ntar kalo pingsan situ mau tanggung?" hihihi...)

Anyway, we had long discussion. Not really a discussion actually. It was more like uhhmmm... I listened to him, his dissapointment at work, at people, at institution etc etc...
I gave comments, sure, but he countered my comments. So, as a clear-minded person, I was mostly quiet. He was furious, anyway. Let him enjoy his furiousness, arguing wil not be so wise!
Frankly, I found many of his saying, didn't make sense. That made our discussion quite dry. Long and dry... Long and dry and long... and loooooongg... (got my point?)
*bored*

I remember the saying:
Good discussion is like a mini skirt.
Short enough to pertain interest.
Long enough to cover the subject.
That was definitely not a mini skirt!!!

SYMPTOMS

The older you are, the more you know your body!
I just realized a symptom that I believe not any general practitioner could figure out:
EVERYTIME I become so RELIGIOUS,
I get my period. *sigh*

amazing crowd

I had this meeting yesterday. A big client. I was to give presentation on our market analysis. such a short notice my boss told me. Had i known earlier that I was to give presentation, I would prepare myself better. Boss's command, what can I say?
At least in the morning I got a chance to go to beauty salon, had my hair set. That's all that matters, right? hehe...
I mean, if you feel comfortable and confidence, then goes one problem.
I believe in first impression, by the way...
Still, I have thousand butterflies on my stomach...

But you know whaatttt?
the crowd are all important people! Creme de la Creme!
But, honestly, they don't look like one. I mean, they were so casual, but maaaan, their brain! Talk about one strip below Bill Gates!

They are obviously very rich, very smart indeed, humble (that's the interesting part), appreciative (does this word exist on dictionary?), and don't underestimate people. SOOowwww casual, as if we are not on the important meeting. Maan, that was about couple million dollars project!

Of course my presentation wasn't very successful, but you can't say it failed either. But I don't worry about that anymore.
I am amazed with the crowd. So amazed that I forgive my not-so-bright performance. I just feel thankful that I met those guys!

Dream

weird dream I had last night.
on blurr.. I saw my late father and myself. I heard myself talking to my father, that I am really sorry that I can't get married this year. Maybe next year, I said.
Is this a clue?
What does it mean, then?

pameran lukisan

If I were a painter...
I would paint my reverie.
If that's the only way for you to be with me.
we would be together...
just like we used to be.
underneath the swirling sky for all to see.(norah jones "The Painter")

hari ini ada undangan ke pembukaan pameran lukisan.
males siiy mau dateng, abis alirannya abstrak gitu deeeeh.
gw dah coba 'menikmati' tapi kok ga bisa yaa?? belakangan si gw sering ke pameran lukisan. coba meningkatkan tingkat peradaban gw.
menurut gw seniman itu tingkat peradabannya tinggi skalee, makanya dia bisa membuat orang menikmati keindahan.
tapi lukisan abstrak?
sutralah ga usah belagak sok nyeni, emang gw ga ngerti.

kesimpulannya gue pergi ga ni ke pameran lukisan itu?

blessing or curse?

Aku pikir aku tau orang itu.
Ternyata aku ga tau.
Apa dia yang berubah??
uhmmm… mungkin juga.
Atau memang aku yang slama ini salah?
salah kira. salah duga. seperti biasa…

aku ga tau ini blessing atau curse, having the willingness to see the good side of someone. My will is sooow strong that I actually assume things, fantasizing. . .
I turned out SOOooow wrong.
It’s just SOoooow me.

Dia begitu santun.
Paling tidak dia yang kukenal dulu.

NEWTON RULE

I overestimate my friendship with several persons. I thought we have strong foundation that won’t make us fall apart over small matters.
Looking back, I had 2 close friends. Friends that support each other. Friends that forgive and understand. I put up with their ego, habit and attitude. I forgave them when they broke their promise, late in rendezvous, cancel our plan… like friends do.
But once I turned them down, over a misunderstanding situation, I became the enemy of the humankind! As if I caused the fatal mistakes. And it wasn’t even my mistakes! At least not completely.
They became uhhmmm… not friendly anymore.
Geezzz, I thought we’re friends!
Sarah said, I sacrificed a lot in friendship. I gave tolerance so much that I actually couldn’t stand it inside. And they became used to my tolerance attitude that they don’t bother to take care of my feeling. Sarah also said that I expect too much from the friendship, from the sacrifice I made. That made me a bit uhhmmmm… unsincere? I hope I spell it correctly.
Well, what’s wrong with expectation. You do something, you hope something in return. That’s normal. That’s logical. That’s even scientific. You know… like Newton Rule : F action = F reaction.

27/04/04
I decided to drop by at CL to buy some snacks. Then I saw him.
He must have been having a date with someone, I can tell.
It shouldn’t bother me actually, I don’t even like him.
I mean, I am always nice to him but he’s not the kind of person I‘d like to spend the rest of my life with. He’s too plain, nerdy yet boastful (Man!).
But I thought he liked me. Owww..man, just yesterday he’s asking me out to attend his relatives wedding. I mean, it’s quite a big deal rite? It is an indication that a man wants you to meet his family.
Then I saw him having a date with someone.
It’s a first date, I can tell.
Why’s that bothering me? He’s free. I’m free. I met guys and had blind dates myself.
The problem is… I saw him. I feel betrayed. I thought he was DEVOTED to me. So this is how it feels to lose a fan. Or… even worse, this is how it feels when you thought you got a fan, but you didn’t.
Owww, man! That’s awful.

Saturday Blues
Thought that we could spend our boyfriend-less saturday night in a healthy way, me, sarah and nelly. Jogging, swimming... you know.. got shaped up.
We went to Senayan jogging track then to Sahid Hotel swimming pool. We exercised! Uhm..well, at least that would certainly what happened if it wasn't raining (we couldn't jog under the rain, rite?) and the free membership voucher was valid!
Sooo, we went to Plaza Indonesia. Got dinner. Heart-to-heart talk (you know.. girl stuff), cosmetics shopping, browse EX, walked to Sarinah, enter McD, then went home. Basically, just killing the time. And It killed my feet too...

I sore all over! Everytime I move my body, it goes "kretekkk kretekkk". *sigh*
That was a remarkable night, unforgettable Kartini's day.
I left the office at 19.00 after a waste wait for the rain to stop.
I went to my friend's house behind RS Tarakan. I thought I could use some shelter from the rain before going home. But until 21.30 it hadn't stopped. Taxi couldn't be found. So I called my brother to pick me up.

I heard flood has visited some areas : Grogol, Tj Duren, Kebon Jeruk, ROxi etc. My brother must have been struggled to find a way to my place. So I walked.

I mean it when I said 'walked' a.k.a by foot. I walked down da street from at 22.30 from Petojo to Tomang. I didn't take off my 5cm- heeled shoes. They were soaked! Banjir, maaan! Jakarta on Kartini's day was soaked! It was raining cats and dogs. The storm caused trees and tiang listrik scattered all over the street.
The street was like a giant parking lot. No use of waiting public transport. No use of waiting my brother to pick me up. He must be stucked somewhere.
So... walked. With my five-centimeters-heeled shoes. Did I mention that?
ughhhhhh... I sore all over. Did I mention that?

akhirnya aku bisa juga buat 'preliminary project diary online' ini.
masa aku tanya ke beberapa anak IT ga ada yang tauuu...
gimana siy? katanya IT.
untung ada si IdealMoron yang (reluctantly) ngasi tau aku caranya.
thanks, pal!