shut your heart?

"you can close your eyes to things you refuse to see..
but u can`t close your heart to things u refuse to feel.."`


damn right, isn't it?

yesterday I got bad messages, from a friend. ex-friend, now after the mean things he said to me. Such a mystifying messages, coming from a prominent person, a role model of good attittude and intellectual. a lecturer.

well, it happened after he sent me message. an ordinary one during Eidul Fithr. you know... minal aidin and stuff. but, as always, he preached.
I dont like he's preaching me. Now that I observe that he doesn't always do what he says. I am the 'action speaks louder than words' kind a girl. All the talk is cheap.
He, as I observe, is 'no-action-talk-only' kind a guy.

so, as a friend, I reminded him about the promise he made. The promises that I am sure he didn't mean saying it.

so I replied his message:
"please forgive me too. but a promise is a promise. one still owe it until he fulfill it."

actually, he didn't promise me the world or anything. only simple things. I just hate how easy he made promise and took for granted that someone would remember it. maybe even, expected it.
and THAT- the message I want him to get: don't say things you don't mean. you have no idea how it might affect people.

apparently, the my-promise-reminder activated his furious mode. must be something he ate! I don't see any words that might make one feel offended, do you?
in short, there he went, flooding me with his full of preach and condemn sms. It got to my nerves, eventually. I dont see any relation my-promise-reminder with my educational background (which he said a 'waste' because I don't act like S2 graduated. and how exactly an S2 graduated should act anyway? Men often feel offended or threathened with women's degree. but this is too much!), my name (he said I was not entitled to hold a name 'fitri' and that I should change my name. his name is ahmad by the way, which in Arabic sort of means 'trustable'. yeah right!!) and words he took from a mule (don't look at me! I don't know what that means either...)

so I stopped replying his sms. later on, I stopped reading it. I erased it once I got it. there's no point.
but I felt . . . awful. discouraged.
If he beats me, I could beat him back. but if he says bad things, It goes through my heart without filter. without shields. even if I reply saying bad things, it won't make my heart any better, like the satisfying feeling when you strike someone.

I could shut my eyes and my ears, but I can't shut my heart.


ps. Did I mention that he is S3 graduated? well, he is. from abroad, too.
pps. In case you're wondering- No, I don't have love affair with him. ;)