Just when I thought things are going better and better..

My come-back to Bali is not so called “a sweet come back”. The first week, I had a quarrel with my ex- who happened to have job assignment in Bali. Bad quarrel. I’m quite embarrassed to remember it. Thanks God I had Papi P as my shoulder to cry on, and him to comfort me.

The second week, my boss started to fuss of my being picked-up and dropped by him. She said it’s not allowed since he’s using office hour to pick me up. It’s right but it’s not fair. Because other staff are also using office hour to pick up and drop their children. Beside, it’s not taking so much time. And he’s already done with his duty. So we started to do backstreet: when my boss is out, he picks me up. It went smooth at first.
Until…

The next week, he said that he’s afraid with how things grow between us. We became closer and closer (psssttt… we’ve been TTM for a month now). And it’s a no-future relationship, so to speak. We have different religion. Yes, it matters! For both of us.
And he already has a girl friend. So that week, we had an on-off relationship, just like a real couple. But then we decided to let it flow and enjoy the feeling.. maybe until I complete my duty here.

This week, things are worse. He had a quarrel with his girl friend. She urged him not to take me home again. And he doesn’t want things become worse. So he asked someone else to replace his duty: take me home.

No word whatsoever to finish our relationship. I just said, “Why don’t you go to talk things over with her?” To be frank, I didn’t say that with all my heart. I felt hurt inside. And he said, “I want to be alone, no need girl friend.”

It’s hard to describe how I feel. Sad, mad, disappointed, unfair, sad…
I feel sad most of the time. He becomes my comfort zone. I ran to him when I had quarrel with my ex. I called him when I need anything. I told him how I feel and what I do everyday. Now I have to act as if nothing happened between us.

Starting today, someone else will take me home. No more joking, dating, fighting, cuddling before going home.

Hmmmmppphhfff….

He stood me up!!

My cousin asked me to watch her show. I asked him to accompany me, because when my cousin is on stage, I will be sitting alone in the bar. He said he would come after he finishes his ‘duty’ (it was Saturday night, and his duty is to visit his girl friend).
I agreed. So I went with my cousin at 9, expected him to drop by at eleven.

At eleven, he called. Said that he had a quarrel with his girl friend, and that I shouldn’t call or send him sms as his celullar was being confiscated. (What an unhealthy relationship!!)

He said he still would come.

I waited, and waited, and waited. My cousin asked me to sit in the front table, but I said I wanted to wait for him. I sat next to the door so I would see him coming. I pretended to talk on the phone outside the café to look for him. He didn’t show up!

Had I known he wouldn’t come, I wouldn’t come to this café. I couldn’t stand sitting alone for 3 hours. A girl, sitting alone in the corner of a café.. it’s not an elegant view, is it? I saw some middle-aged men gave me those flirty looks, some couples gave me pitty looks… Uggghhhh!!

“Where the hell is he?” , my heart cried.

I couldn’t call him (His girl friend confiscated his cell, remember? What an unhealthy relationship! Did I said that already?)

He didn’t come, didn’t call.
He stood me up!!

Dance like nobody’s watching..

Sbetulnya gw agak malu ni untuk ngaku. Salah satu obsesi gw adalah... bisa nari! Ga tau kenapa, badan gw jadi kaku untuk gerakan2 dance. Any dance, you name it! Ballet, modern, salsa, chacha, RnB apalagi free style... Padahal badan gw lumayan luwes dan lentur. Gerakan yoga yang susah bagi orang lain aja gw bisa. Tapi ya itu.. kalo untuk urusan dance, kok jadi cupu banget gw...

Gw punya beberapa teori tentang hal ini:
Teori pertama: gw punya hambatan psikologis untuk dance. ga pe de gitu dweeeeh maksudnya. Mati gaya aja rasanya...
Teori kedua: gw punya masalah koordinasi badan. Sbenernya ini menjelaskan kenapa gw ga pernah jago nyetir, baik mobil atau motor.. Me + Vehicle = BAD IDEA!).

Gw pernah lho ikutan dance course. Terakhir gw join kelas di gym, HipHop Dance dan MTV Style. Gaya euy! Bareng sama ABG dan AGJ (Anak Gaul Jakarta-red). Instrukturnya lumayan keren pula. About my dance? Ga sukses tentunya!

Anyway, waktu itu gw nonton film di HBO (ga.. bukan tv gw! Gw masi nunggu sumbangan TV dari temen MT untuk kado ultah gw. Waktu itu gue nginep di hotel, ada temen yang lagi dinas di bali. Ps. Oya tentang kado TV, yang berasa ayo dong beliin!! Janji palsu dwweeeh.. ). Sampe mana tadi? Oya gw nonton film tentang dance. Tentang anak jalanan dan bagaimana dance merubah hidup mereka. Sayang gw ga nangkep judulnya apa. Lumayan asik padahal. Gw lumayan terinspirasi. Gw coba inget-inget gerakannya, langkahnya… yang sebetulnya simple banget. I can imagine myself doing those moves. The only problem with my imagination is.. IT’S NOT REAL! *grin*
Waktu gw coba melakukan gerakan-gerakan itu (tentunya pas ga ada orang yang liat!), gw sadar kalo gw punya masalah serius. I moved awkwardly. Stiff. Unharmonious. Cupu!

Tentunya gw ga gampang menyerah dong.. Gw coba berdiri di depan cermin, pejamkan mata, berusaha menghayati beat lagu, konsentrasi pada gerakan-gerakan, mulai mengerakkan tangan dan kaki... lalu gw buka mata........

…

…

TETEPP ANCUR!
Uggghhh!!

There, now you know my little secret. But, like I said, I wouldn’t give up easily. Wise man say ’It’s all in your mind’. Like Paulo Coelho famous line: if you want something so badly, the whole universe will conspire to help you.

Gw cuma perlu niat yang kuat kok!

Gw jadi kepikir hipnoterapi. Gw pernah liat TV waktu Romi Rafael menghipnotis orang untuk nari India, padahal tu orang ngakunya ga pernah bisa nari India. Ternyata pas dihipnotis, luwes aja tu orang ngelilingin tiang. Seksi pula!

Someday kali ye...

Sementara itu ya.. nari2 aja sendiri. Syaratnya jangan di depan orang dan jangan di depan kaca... biar ga ilfil! Hehe...


Ps. Vacancy
Urgently required. A hypnotherapist who could give cheap price. Free will be preferred. Interesting candidate should contact me via email. Only shortlisted candidates will be notified. Men are encouraged to apply!