Just when I thought things are going better and better..

My come-back to Bali is not so called “a sweet come back”. The first week, I had a quarrel with my ex- who happened to have job assignment in Bali. Bad quarrel. I’m quite embarrassed to remember it. Thanks God I had Papi P as my shoulder to cry on, and him to comfort me.

The second week, my boss started to fuss of my being picked-up and dropped by him. She said it’s not allowed since he’s using office hour to pick me up. It’s right but it’s not fair. Because other staff are also using office hour to pick up and drop their children. Beside, it’s not taking so much time. And he’s already done with his duty. So we started to do backstreet: when my boss is out, he picks me up. It went smooth at first.
Until…

The next week, he said that he’s afraid with how things grow between us. We became closer and closer (psssttt… we’ve been TTM for a month now). And it’s a no-future relationship, so to speak. We have different religion. Yes, it matters! For both of us.
And he already has a girl friend. So that week, we had an on-off relationship, just like a real couple. But then we decided to let it flow and enjoy the feeling.. maybe until I complete my duty here.

This week, things are worse. He had a quarrel with his girl friend. She urged him not to take me home again. And he doesn’t want things become worse. So he asked someone else to replace his duty: take me home.

No word whatsoever to finish our relationship. I just said, “Why don’t you go to talk things over with her?” To be frank, I didn’t say that with all my heart. I felt hurt inside. And he said, “I want to be alone, no need girl friend.”

It’s hard to describe how I feel. Sad, mad, disappointed, unfair, sad…
I feel sad most of the time. He becomes my comfort zone. I ran to him when I had quarrel with my ex. I called him when I need anything. I told him how I feel and what I do everyday. Now I have to act as if nothing happened between us.

Starting today, someone else will take me home. No more joking, dating, fighting, cuddling before going home.

Hmmmmppphhfff….

He stood me up!!

My cousin asked me to watch her show. I asked him to accompany me, because when my cousin is on stage, I will be sitting alone in the bar. He said he would come after he finishes his ‘duty’ (it was Saturday night, and his duty is to visit his girl friend).
I agreed. So I went with my cousin at 9, expected him to drop by at eleven.

At eleven, he called. Said that he had a quarrel with his girl friend, and that I shouldn’t call or send him sms as his celullar was being confiscated. (What an unhealthy relationship!!)

He said he still would come.

I waited, and waited, and waited. My cousin asked me to sit in the front table, but I said I wanted to wait for him. I sat next to the door so I would see him coming. I pretended to talk on the phone outside the café to look for him. He didn’t show up!

Had I known he wouldn’t come, I wouldn’t come to this café. I couldn’t stand sitting alone for 3 hours. A girl, sitting alone in the corner of a café.. it’s not an elegant view, is it? I saw some middle-aged men gave me those flirty looks, some couples gave me pitty looks… Uggghhhh!!

“Where the hell is he?” , my heart cried.

I couldn’t call him (His girl friend confiscated his cell, remember? What an unhealthy relationship! Did I said that already?)

He didn’t come, didn’t call.
He stood me up!!

Dance like nobody’s watching..

Sbetulnya gw agak malu ni untuk ngaku. Salah satu obsesi gw adalah... bisa nari! Ga tau kenapa, badan gw jadi kaku untuk gerakan2 dance. Any dance, you name it! Ballet, modern, salsa, chacha, RnB apalagi free style... Padahal badan gw lumayan luwes dan lentur. Gerakan yoga yang susah bagi orang lain aja gw bisa. Tapi ya itu.. kalo untuk urusan dance, kok jadi cupu banget gw...

Gw punya beberapa teori tentang hal ini:
Teori pertama: gw punya hambatan psikologis untuk dance. ga pe de gitu dweeeeh maksudnya. Mati gaya aja rasanya...
Teori kedua: gw punya masalah koordinasi badan. Sbenernya ini menjelaskan kenapa gw ga pernah jago nyetir, baik mobil atau motor.. Me + Vehicle = BAD IDEA!).

Gw pernah lho ikutan dance course. Terakhir gw join kelas di gym, HipHop Dance dan MTV Style. Gaya euy! Bareng sama ABG dan AGJ (Anak Gaul Jakarta-red). Instrukturnya lumayan keren pula. About my dance? Ga sukses tentunya!

Anyway, waktu itu gw nonton film di HBO (ga.. bukan tv gw! Gw masi nunggu sumbangan TV dari temen MT untuk kado ultah gw. Waktu itu gue nginep di hotel, ada temen yang lagi dinas di bali. Ps. Oya tentang kado TV, yang berasa ayo dong beliin!! Janji palsu dwweeeh.. ). Sampe mana tadi? Oya gw nonton film tentang dance. Tentang anak jalanan dan bagaimana dance merubah hidup mereka. Sayang gw ga nangkep judulnya apa. Lumayan asik padahal. Gw lumayan terinspirasi. Gw coba inget-inget gerakannya, langkahnya… yang sebetulnya simple banget. I can imagine myself doing those moves. The only problem with my imagination is.. IT’S NOT REAL! *grin*
Waktu gw coba melakukan gerakan-gerakan itu (tentunya pas ga ada orang yang liat!), gw sadar kalo gw punya masalah serius. I moved awkwardly. Stiff. Unharmonious. Cupu!

Tentunya gw ga gampang menyerah dong.. Gw coba berdiri di depan cermin, pejamkan mata, berusaha menghayati beat lagu, konsentrasi pada gerakan-gerakan, mulai mengerakkan tangan dan kaki... lalu gw buka mata........

…

…

TETEPP ANCUR!
Uggghhh!!

There, now you know my little secret. But, like I said, I wouldn’t give up easily. Wise man say ’It’s all in your mind’. Like Paulo Coelho famous line: if you want something so badly, the whole universe will conspire to help you.

Gw cuma perlu niat yang kuat kok!

Gw jadi kepikir hipnoterapi. Gw pernah liat TV waktu Romi Rafael menghipnotis orang untuk nari India, padahal tu orang ngakunya ga pernah bisa nari India. Ternyata pas dihipnotis, luwes aja tu orang ngelilingin tiang. Seksi pula!

Someday kali ye...

Sementara itu ya.. nari2 aja sendiri. Syaratnya jangan di depan orang dan jangan di depan kaca... biar ga ilfil! Hehe...


Ps. Vacancy
Urgently required. A hypnotherapist who could give cheap price. Free will be preferred. Interesting candidate should contact me via email. Only shortlisted candidates will be notified. Men are encouraged to apply!

Beach Gurlz Day!

I always love beaches. I love the salty air, the soft warm sand, the cool water, the surface, the undersea.. I loooOOve everything about beach, except.. the heat that makes my skin darkened! And it’s unavoidable.. *sigh*

So we went to three beaches last Saturday. All three with different excitement. First I went to Nusa Dua. Many people say it’s the best beach in Bali. That can be true. The long coastal line framed with white glowing sand, the inviting cool blue water with mild wave, the scenery of pura Geger at the top of the hill, the bule although not as stacked as Kuta peacefully sunbathing with no clothes on… (ehem!).

I was reluctant to swim at first. What, with the sun shining at the 12 o’clock noon? No, thanks! But then again, there’s no tree at the shore. The umbrellas already loaded with bule, and it’s expensive too. I had no choice.. better swim than meleleh di pantai!

After one and half hour swimming and posing (hidup Narsis!!), we went to Pura Geger, just miles away from the beach to had lunch. We ate sandwich and rujak next to the pura, where we can enjoy the scenery of the beach and the reef. I swear, it’s a breath-taking view! I never had lunch as delicious as that one!

We then went to Dreamland. They say it’s the next Kuta. Yup, there was much more naked foreigners.. topless at least..(local people say SUMUR = susu dijemur!). Bet you guys will looooOOove to be here! The wave quite heavy here, perfect for surfing but not for swimming. We tried to swim but the wave rolled us back to the shore… terkapar like dead fish. It’s quite fun. Unfortunately we had to go to Uluwatu to see the sunset.

Uluwatu beach. It’s one of the kind. We had to go down the stair until we find kinda gua. The smell is unpleasant, but the view quite nice. After the gua, there’s the pool-like beach. A bule talked to me, “A nice swimming pool, with monkeys!” Yup, at 5 o’clock the flock of monkeys return from nowhere.. I remember the flock of people return from Jakarta to Bekasi at that hour too… Maybe the monkeys just come back from their place of work?

A little walk from the pool-like beach, went through the tunnel made from reef, we find the laut lepas. It’s where we wait for the sunset. They say it’s beautiful from here. And I proved them right. I watched the color of the sun change from yellow to red to crimson… until it vanished at the horizon line.. For couple minutes, everyone at the beach seemed to have silent period. It’s unspoken law. The only voice maybe just a whisper say, “It’s beautiful”. It’s strange, sun sets everyday…it’s routine, but watching the sunset everywhere in the world still give me this kind of feeling: magic!

I went back home to Kuta, all tan and ache! But it’s worth it! Now I can proudly claim myself as Beach Girl! Or Beach Bitch? The later seems to cause your tongue twist, huh?.

Me + Vehicle = Bad Idea!

Tiap Rabu sore gw punya kegiatan baru di Bali. Melukis? Bukan! Belajar keramik? Bukan! Nari bali? Tetot!! Salah! yang bener…belajar motor! Di sini penting banget untuk bisa naik motor. Awalnya gw diledekin gitu karena ga bisa naik motor, disuruh kembali ke rahim ibu… Orang Bali dari lahir udah pada bisa naik motor kayaknya.

Dulu ga kepikir kalo gw bakal mau naik motor. Rasanya serem aja gitu. Kalo naik mobil kan, kalo nyerempet masih ada bodi mobilnya.. kalo motor kan langsung kena bodi kita. Lecet-lecet dong.. nanti bisa menghambat niat gw mewakili Indonesia dalam ajang Miss World kan?

Anyway, rabu kemaren tu kali kedua gw belajar motor. Berhubung udah 2 minggu sejak latihan pertama, lupa lagi kan gw mana gas mana rem. Ya udah penyesuaian dulu. Tapi ternyata kemampuan kognitif otak gw lumayan kok, sebentar saja gw dah bisa (ya iyalah.. secara yg gw bawa tu motor matic!). Sang instruktur yang baik hati ga lama melepas gw membawa motor itu sendirian. Masih di temapt parkiran gitu sii, belom di tengah pasar kaget. Jadi ganciilll deeh buat gw!!

Satu putaran, dua putaran.. lancar. Dengan kecepatan 10-15 km perjam, gw bisa menikmati angin sore yang sejuk menerpa muka, semburat mentari yang siap-siap kembali ke peraduan, debur ombak yang terlihat dari jalan.. Wuih gw nyetir dengan jumawa! Mulai berani garuk muka yang digigit nyamuk (tadinya gw tahan aja biar gatel), mulai berani nyesuain posisi duduk, mulai berani nengok kanan-kiri (tadinya lempeeeeeenggg ajah!) sampai akhirnya.... breeemmmmmmmmm Ciiiitttttt!!
Ada anjing lewat. Secara gw grogi, gw malah ngegas lebih kenceng, pas ngeh baru ngerem (catet: kayaknya gw ada masalah koordinasi badan dan otak). Untung gw bisa menguasai keadaan dan keseimbangan, walau tangan gw sampe keseleo nahan motor supaya ga jatoh.

Terus, dengan anggun gw kembali ke posisi standby. Tarik nafas.. buang.. tarik lagi... sampe tiga kali. Eee.. mesinnya mati deh.

TERUS GIMANA MENSTARTER LAGIH?

Ternyata gw belom diajarin cara starter motor. Wah gawat nih! Mana instruktur gw berada jauh di balik tembok. Gw ga brani dong mencet2 tombol cockpit, eh dashboard, eh.. kalo motor namanya apa ya?

Alhasil gw dorong motornya sampe ke tempat instruktur gw yang lagi nunggu sambil minum teh botol! Mana berat lagi motornya...

Cwapeeee dweeeeeeee....

About PS

I walked hastily to reach her. There she is! A grand gracious figure. Couple more yards, I’ll be inside her...

... Plaza Senayan

“Home”, I said longingly. My friend gave me the strange look. She must think I’m exaggerating, or worse.. insane. The fact is, I really miss this place.
It’s our headquarters, best meeting point, a place to see and to be seen…

You probably think I’m a hedonist consumptive sale-freak shopaholic kinda girl. No no no! It’s not about the place, really. It’s what it represents…

My friend could text me one day, asked me to accompany her to PS looking for a special gift, or she had bad day at the office and needed a cup of coffee, other friends celebrated his promotion or birthday or farewell or..
another friend had a blind date and it went bad and she urged me to go there to rescue her…

It represents togetherness, friendship, fun, compassion…

I’m emotionally attached to this place.



Ps. I’m not working for PS nor its PR agency. I don’t get paid for this post. But, if PS management happens to read this, and would like to give me some rewards.. please do so! I don’t mind… ;p

About Forgiveness

A friend gave this quote:
“The stupid neither forgives nor forgets,
The naïve forgives and forgets,
The wise forgives but not forget”

I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness.
Yes, it’s the moment of the year to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
Thousand times, if not countless times, we’ve been lying ourselves by saying “It’s alright”, while we’re still hurting.
Some things take much longer time to get over with.
Sometimes even after we got over it, the scar never completely heals…

It’s very difficult to forgive.
It’s even more difficult to forget.

“Being stronger is not holding on,
But letting go…”

So, be the strong! Let go all the grudges.
Forgive me, okay?

It’s strange how things grow…

My ex-boy friend, now becomes a very good friend of mine.
I think there’s no room for us to blackmail each other, as we keep each others’ “little secrets”.

Sometimes I wonder how our relationship could grow this way
I once fell all over for him, wept hundreds nights for him.
There were times when we couldn’t stand each other’s presence…
Those days are gone…
Now, as we grow mature (yeah, right!), we end up kinda depend on each other in most peculiar way…

Before I came to Bali, he constantly encourages me.
He knows I hate loneliness.
I remember he said this, “You take care, will you? Don’t fall easily with an asshole who would just take advantage on you because you’re lonely…”

It’s one hell of an advise coming from your ex isn’t it?

On my reckless nights here, when I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, having nothing’s to do and noone to talk to, wait for the mercy of God to put me to sleep soon… he calls.
We talk, and laugh, and giggle, call each other names, more laugh…
He put a smile on my sleep.

Thanks, pal!

it's my cup of tea now..

I’ve been racking my brain trying to write something – some light, witty or insightful little story about my life. Words haven’t come so easily to me lately as there are lots of things weighing heavily on my mind.

So, I’ve been living in a paradise island for almost 2 weeks now (excluded 10 days in Makassar). I live in an exotic 4-bedroom house just away from the beach. I can see the pristine blue beach and a white spark of wave, and black sand just by standing by my window. I can smell the salty air every time I take my breath.

Sounds like a dream everyone’s dreaming, huh?

The thing is, I’m alone. Far from my family. In my younger life, I always wanted to live in dormitory, you know like Enid Blyton’s Mallory Towers or St Clare. But living in dormitory (with lots of friends) is completely different from living alone in a house far far away from home. I couldn’t get descent sleep at first. I dismay the chicken running through my yard (I’m 200% sure they haven’t got the vaccine for AI!!), I got freaked out when someone suddenly turned off the light. I worried if the tokek living in the back of the cupboard would approach and touch me when I sleep…

Oh.. about the guy who turned off the light.. I found out later that he didn’t mean to frightened me or anything… he just want to have some fun by peeping out the lovers who often made out near the beach. And my backyard is just a perfect location to peep!

I don’t mean to sound like ungrateful person. NOOOOoooooo!! It’s just that.. I don’t really enjoy being here. Maybe not yet. Maybe it takes sometimes for me to adjust all this abrupt changes from my secured life to a fractured world! Haha….

Wish me luck…
(I badly need that, especially during the night before I close my eyes and I see the tokek shyly peeping from the cupboard!)

choices

life is full of choices.
and for some people, that's fine. piece of cake. click of a finger.
not me.
I, along with others under the sign of Libra-I think, have trouble making choices.

"just write down a list of pos and negs, advantages and disadvantages. Then you'll be able to choose.", so people say.
yeah right...
not making my life easier.

"why? just see which list count most.", they said.

the thing is, for me, each time I make a list of pos and negs... I put value for each entry.
for example:
going to work to bali going to work to aceh
nice place + 2 +1
house by the beach +1 -1
foods -2 +1
transportation -1 +1
prospective romance +1 +2
current romance +1 -2
work +1 +2
pleasure +2 -2
parent approval +2 -1
long term prospect +1 +2

and sometimes I changed my mind for the values. depends on the mood.
that makes the choosing bussiness become harder for me.
and take some more time to think and think and think? does it help?
NoooOOOOoooo!

I don't know why the sign of Libra is balance.
*hmmmppppphhhh*