inspiring quot

This is taken from Arthur Golden's book "Memoirs of a Geisha", quot from
Laksamana Yamamoto.
" I'm not trying to defeat the man. It's his self-confidence that I'm conquering,
and the rest will follow. Once one's self-confidence shakes, one can not focus to victory".





what a genious!
and it works a miracle...
I'll tell you all about it later. right now, i'm still dumbfounded how that words can really explain what just happened...

bye alson . . .

Good men are always taken

that's the quot I used to say as I joke.
you know, when I got a crush on a man, then I found out that he's married.
well, girl stuff.

but now, that quot means a lot deeper.
sadder.

alson.
he died this morning. cancer.

he was such a nice friend.
he was mad when someone hurt me.
he warned me when I was about to fall.
he pushed me up when I fell (and not even blaming me for ignoring his warning).
he jeopardized himself for my sake.

what did he ask for return?
none.

he's the example of a true friend.
he's a good man.
and now... he's taken.

God took him away, put him in a better place.
may God rest his soul.
may his wife and his two little angels have the strenght to face it.

Good bye, Alson.

shut your heart?

"you can close your eyes to things you refuse to see..
but u can`t close your heart to things u refuse to feel.."`


damn right, isn't it?

yesterday I got bad messages, from a friend. ex-friend, now after the mean things he said to me. Such a mystifying messages, coming from a prominent person, a role model of good attittude and intellectual. a lecturer.

well, it happened after he sent me message. an ordinary one during Eidul Fithr. you know... minal aidin and stuff. but, as always, he preached.
I dont like he's preaching me. Now that I observe that he doesn't always do what he says. I am the 'action speaks louder than words' kind a girl. All the talk is cheap.
He, as I observe, is 'no-action-talk-only' kind a guy.

so, as a friend, I reminded him about the promise he made. The promises that I am sure he didn't mean saying it.

so I replied his message:
"please forgive me too. but a promise is a promise. one still owe it until he fulfill it."

actually, he didn't promise me the world or anything. only simple things. I just hate how easy he made promise and took for granted that someone would remember it. maybe even, expected it.
and THAT- the message I want him to get: don't say things you don't mean. you have no idea how it might affect people.

apparently, the my-promise-reminder activated his furious mode. must be something he ate! I don't see any words that might make one feel offended, do you?
in short, there he went, flooding me with his full of preach and condemn sms. It got to my nerves, eventually. I dont see any relation my-promise-reminder with my educational background (which he said a 'waste' because I don't act like S2 graduated. and how exactly an S2 graduated should act anyway? Men often feel offended or threathened with women's degree. but this is too much!), my name (he said I was not entitled to hold a name 'fitri' and that I should change my name. his name is ahmad by the way, which in Arabic sort of means 'trustable'. yeah right!!) and words he took from a mule (don't look at me! I don't know what that means either...)

so I stopped replying his sms. later on, I stopped reading it. I erased it once I got it. there's no point.
but I felt . . . awful. discouraged.
If he beats me, I could beat him back. but if he says bad things, It goes through my heart without filter. without shields. even if I reply saying bad things, it won't make my heart any better, like the satisfying feeling when you strike someone.

I could shut my eyes and my ears, but I can't shut my heart.


ps. Did I mention that he is S3 graduated? well, he is. from abroad, too.
pps. In case you're wondering- No, I don't have love affair with him. ;)

the thing about temporary job . . .

fiuuuuuh...
three weeks now.
and my boss still irritates me and makes me nervous...

the thing about replacing someone in temporary manner
is that she would never transfer all her knowledge to you!
why?
because she needs to feel (and make sure) that she is needed,
that people (in this case, specifically my boss) depend on her,
that live without her is a living hell.
at least that what my predecessor did.

she missed telling me the things I need to know
so when my boss asked me this this this...
the best answer I could give her is: let me find out. i'll get back to you later.
and my boss got "hhrrrrr.. I need it nnnnooowww.. I mean nnooowwww..."
well, sort of...

and... AND
she (my predecessor) gave me wrong information.
misleaded.
that's okay... it only costs me a shorten-than-it-should-be vacation, several additional lines on my forehead, several hair fell, several headache, long lasting influenza (well, it IS related, because I had less rest).

it almost activated my 'frustration' mode.

but, really it's okay....
(errr, you can't see my nasty look, can you?)

virus

Jadi deh nih, gue sakit. Dari kemaren dah digeber CDR, trus Decolgen.
Tapi tadi di bis ada ibu-ibu batuk. Batuk asik aja gitu, ga pake tutup mulut.
Mana bis AC lagi, makin gatel kali ya tenggorokannya.
Pas kondektur nagih ongkos trus gue nengok, batuklah dia pas di depan muka gue
Abis itu si gue berpaling, ngebelakangin dia.
Tapi namanya tu bis penuh banget, ya ga nolong juga.

Kondektur : (towel towel)
Gue : nengok
Ibu-ibu : uhuk.. uhuk..
Gue : (kaget, mendelik, berpaling, mendengus sambil nyari ongkos)
Ni bang (ngasi duit ke kondektur tanpa berpaling)
Kondektur : ih somse deh!

Harusnya ada peraturan yang mengatur pencegahan penyebaran virus di tempat umum, misalnya bagi yang lagi flu harus pake masker atau harus bawa masker buat dibag-bagiin ke publik di sekitar dia.. Itu usul ke komisi berapa ya di DPR?)

di kantor. Taunya ada meeting kecil. Gue duduk di sebelah bos gue.
Taunya dia lagi fileggg.
Ya udah deh, makin riang gembira deh tu virus di badan gue dapat supply batalyon baru.

Jenderal virus : berita gembira kawan-kawan. Kita akan mendapat bala bantuan
dari negara Ingusitis. Baru saja mereka membersinkan diri untuk
memperkuat pasukan kita. Mari kita sambut mereka dan buat mereka merasa seperti di rumah sendiri. Sejauh mana persiapan kita, Kapten?
Kapten virus : Para musuh dari kerajaan afetaminophen sudah dibekuk, Capt!
Begitu juga penyusup dari organisasi multivitamin. Petugas Keamanan local. Yaitu Datasemen Antibodi juga sudah dilumpuhkan.
Jenderal virus : bagus, Capt! Mari kita sambut tamu kita.
(beberapa saat kemudian)
Jenderal virus : selamat datang, saudaraku! Semoga kalian mengalami ‘lemparan bersin’yang
menyenangkan.
Virus pendatang : Tentu la hay. Bersinnya lumayan keras lho boouw…
Kita mulai aja misi kita ya ‘nek …


Trus, here I am, depan compie, meler!
Bersin2. batuk2. pusing2.
Mana AC di tempat gue (tepatnya, di tempat duduk gue) dingin banget,
karena pas di bawah lubang AC.

Coba aja, besok atau lusa, suara gue pasti ilang.
Jenderal virus : Hallo, headquarter. Mission accomplished. I repeat: Mission
accomplished. Wait for next command. Roger and out.