Just when I thought things are going better and better..

My come-back to Bali is not so called “a sweet come back”. The first week, I had a quarrel with my ex- who happened to have job assignment in Bali. Bad quarrel. I’m quite embarrassed to remember it. Thanks God I had Papi P as my shoulder to cry on, and him to comfort me.

The second week, my boss started to fuss of my being picked-up and dropped by him. She said it’s not allowed since he’s using office hour to pick me up. It’s right but it’s not fair. Because other staff are also using office hour to pick up and drop their children. Beside, it’s not taking so much time. And he’s already done with his duty. So we started to do backstreet: when my boss is out, he picks me up. It went smooth at first.
Until…

The next week, he said that he’s afraid with how things grow between us. We became closer and closer (psssttt… we’ve been TTM for a month now). And it’s a no-future relationship, so to speak. We have different religion. Yes, it matters! For both of us.
And he already has a girl friend. So that week, we had an on-off relationship, just like a real couple. But then we decided to let it flow and enjoy the feeling.. maybe until I complete my duty here.

This week, things are worse. He had a quarrel with his girl friend. She urged him not to take me home again. And he doesn’t want things become worse. So he asked someone else to replace his duty: take me home.

No word whatsoever to finish our relationship. I just said, “Why don’t you go to talk things over with her?” To be frank, I didn’t say that with all my heart. I felt hurt inside. And he said, “I want to be alone, no need girl friend.”

It’s hard to describe how I feel. Sad, mad, disappointed, unfair, sad…
I feel sad most of the time. He becomes my comfort zone. I ran to him when I had quarrel with my ex. I called him when I need anything. I told him how I feel and what I do everyday. Now I have to act as if nothing happened between us.

Starting today, someone else will take me home. No more joking, dating, fighting, cuddling before going home.

Hmmmmppphhfff….