a Boss and a Leader

I read somewhere about the difference between a Boss and a Leader. Yeah I know, it sounds lame, huh?

I remember about the boss drives people and depend on authority, while the leader coaches them and depend on good will.

Why I should bring this up here? Well I am recently in charge to handle 2 provinces and require a sub-ordinate in each province. My boss (I guess you know where it’s going now) said it was my authority to recruit them because they would be directly working with me. Fair enough. So I started advertise it, selected and short-listed it. Until one day my boss said to me.

Boss : I think you should hire ‘X’ for West Java. Because he is experienced and quite good in content . What do you think?

Me: I think of someone who can speak local language, and preferable who has dealt with government official there.

Boss: But he’s good in content, you don’t have to coach him closely. About language and relationship with government, you could guide him.

Me: Has he had experience dealing with government or in advocacy field? Because that will be his main job. (I know the answer is no, because I know this guy. And no offense, he’s nice and we’re friends, but I didn’t think he’d want this kinda job)

Boss: No,but ….. (there goes her justification)

Me : Fine

Boss: Only, his salary was higher than our budget for this position. So maybe for Jakarta province you shouldn’t hire experienced person, so (s)he wouldn’t ask high salary.

I said I think about it. But I didn’t really agree with her. The day after and the day after that, he asked if I contacted X. Agitated, I called X. It’s not because I had something against him. NooOo! It’s just that to hire him, it takes somebody’s right to get better paid. I mean, they will be in the same position and I will have the same expectation toward them. But one is paid twice higher that the other. And it’s not because he’s more experience in the field, but because the boss prefer him. How’s that fair?

And how about “my authority to recruit them because they will be working directly to me” ?

Seems to me it is her authority to drive me to do what she wants.

Well, that’s what a boss does, rite?

Learn from the disabled

Last Saturday, valentine’s day (although I’ve never celebrated valentine and have no reason to start now ;p), we conducted a movie screening and discussion. It was our routine activity, actually. But this time, it’s special. Special because I initiated the topic, and because I have ‘conflict of interest’ in the topic and because it ‘moved’ me in a peculiar way.

So the movie was about a visually impaired teacher Ann Sullivan and a deft-blind student Hellen Keller. The movie leads to a discussion about special needs student and their right to education. We invited Mimi Lusli (trainer in Hellen Keller International) and Parto (headmaster special school “Ar Rahman) as resource persons. It was a fruitful discussion.

I’ve been working with Mimi for 3 months now, but I’ve never listened to her story. I didn't know that she became totally blind when she was 17. Imagine that? I would be devastated if were her. I even cried on my sweet seventeen birthday because I was having chicken pox. I looked so horrible I though it was the end of the world! I thought no boy would be interested in me, or wanted to date me or went to a party with me. You know, girls’ stuff! I was ashamed and felt sorry for myself.
Looking back now, my misery was nothing compared to her. Well, my scar diminished over time. But her sight… is gone forever.

During her school time, she had to study three times harder than us. She must have her material read out for her, and then she answered the problems with braille, and then she must convert it again to latin script (so the teacher could understand her work). It strucked me how she tried not to force or blame the situation. Instead, she tries to adjust her condition with the given situation. She didn’t demand facilities to support her, she created ways to survive.
While me.. my complains to the situation and constraints are countless.
Sometimes I just gave in and found no reason to fight. I ‘demand’ the situation to change to my favor.

I, once again, feel ashamed of myself.

foto caption:Yansen (rawinala student)

What is it with man and skirt?

I don’t wear skirt to the office often. But during this rainy season, pants are easily dirty by water-dirt splashed from cars. All my pants are either in the drier or piling up non-ironed. So I wear skirt today.

My skirt is just an ordinary office-look skirt that flatters my body and reaches 2 inches above the knee. Nothing sexy or provoking But when I walked to the bus stop, I saw several tip-to-toe look from men passing by me. Naughty look. You can clearly see it even though they’re wearing helmet. It’s the kinda look as if you see an ice cream in the middle of the dessert.
Drooling.
I’m not exaggerating, believe me. I was being harassed.
But of course it will be silly to raise this case. The court room situation will go like this:
Judge: So, what’re the charges?
Me : Your honor, I am being harassed. This man starred at me like he wanted to rip off my clothes.
Judge: Young lady, are you sure it’s not only your imagination?
Case closed! Next!

So, I decided to let go.

It’s a different story though, if they use words. Words my friends, can be a lot sharper than knife. I can categorize this harassment by mild to severe. Things like:
kakaak… berangkat kak? (Going somewhere, missy?)
Or
Neng, ikut nyok sama abang. (Girl, let’s go to my place)
I still consider this mild.

Until:
Tukang ojek: ojek neng?(offering to give me a ride)
Me : Ga, bang. (polite refusal)
TO : neng, m***k nya putih ya?(asking the color of my v*g**a.

What on earth? I was so dumbfounded, I could barely think. And he repeated his nasty question to me, and all that I could think of is just:
Ga tau bang, ga kenal.
Pretending he was looking for someone.

If I am given the take two, perhaps it would go like this:
TO : neng, m***k nya putih ya?
Me : Ga tau, bang. Mau liat? Yuk kita ke Polsek atau Komnas Perempuan.
(Not sure, let’s check it out in police station or women’s crisis center)

That’ll teach him a lesson.

Although, I do know some nice compliment about female wearing skirt. Sometimes the difference between compliment and harassment lies on how the message conveyed, and how you receive it.
The nice one, goes like this:
“You know, in some countries, I will be sued by commenting female sub-ordinate’s appearance. But I don’t care. You do look very nice today. So sue me!”

That, my friend, is an A-class pick up line!
The effect would be: gentle beat that slowly spread to your nerve that makes your cheek warm and red, and your lips forming a smile. That smile lasts all day.

All this, because of a skirt. A non sexy skirt.
So, back to my question, what is it with man and skirt?

this feeling...

should I be relieved, or sad, or alert?
I just know something that i've known all along... only I refused to believe.
I do not know for sure how I close I 'relate' to this.. but I refuse to know.

I felt betrayed and fooled, but then who is to blame?
my self?
yup! definitely.

for being such a naive girl..
for letting someone play a hero for me..

this feeling..
is difficult for me to describe.

Is it the way I say things..?

It tickles me when my friend said that.

She was referring to her experiences, that guys tent to brag with her. Has the urge to compete with her, over serious to silly things, ranging from poetry to sushi..

“Is it the way I say things? Did I talk snobbishly or move arrogantly? What triggers them to show off their knowledge or interest?”, she said.

“No dear, they just try to impress you”, I replied.

“..which is very unnecessarily. I wont be impressed with snob guy.”

She then told me her discussion with her male friend, who happened to have the same opinion with me, that those guys just tried to impress her by bragging what they knew.

Her male friend added that, well, men, with their ego, sometimes like it when female don’t have opinion. “It’s kinda cute sometimes when girls don’t have opinion”

WHATTT??

“Perhaps you should restrain the urge to tell them what you think on something. That would please men.”, he added.

Correct me if I’m wrong, does it mean that smart girls should play dumb?
Sometimes we need to just sit down and look pretty?

Well, that’s easy!

*LoL

MUTE MODE = ON

Some people, still consider other people’s misery as a funny thing. You see, I have problem with my voice almost every time I have sore throat and cough: it’s gone. Yup, completely! For me, it’s misery. For others, it’s funny.

Exhibit 1:

My handphone rings.
Me : ha wo?
(whisper wih my bindeng voice)
Friend (F) : are you on a meeting?
Me : no
F : why are you whispering.
Me : I ‘aev a ‘or toat. My voice gone.
(I have a sore throat. My voice is gone)
F : HUAHAHAHAHAHA….

Exhibit 2:
Colleague (C) : Hey, my friend is coming over to my place this weekend. I want to hook you up with him. Whaddaya think?
Me : pss.. ssh.. ss?
(I’m trying to say: Is he nice?)
C : What?
Me : pss.. ssh.. ss?
(still trying with my hiss voice)
C : Good. I’ll tell him he’ll get a date whom can not talk.
It’s just perfect!
Me : !@#$%^^&*

Exhibit 3:
phone rings.
Me : ha wo?
Ex Boyfriend (EB) : hey! I already got confirmation from A, Y and D. They will
come to Plangi this Friday. How about you? Have you told the other guys about the rendez-vous?
Me : ai sss..ssss
EB : What?
Me : I sent sms
*mengerahkan segenap tenaga
EB : ih merki banget si. Kan loe tau kalo di sms anak2 suka ga respon. Telpon langsung dong. (Don’t be so stingy. They won’t reply if you send sms, just call them instead.)
Me : I can’t talk. I aev …
EB : What? Ga usah sok mesra deh ma gue. Pake bisik2 segala. Ga ngaruh, tau?
(no need to play romantic with me by whispering. No use [I won’t be seduced])
Me : PSSS PPSSSS SSHH HHSSSSS!!!!
EB : What?
Click! I turned it off with dismay.

I send him sms:
ME? PLAY ROMANTIC WITH YOU?? YOU MUST BE DREAMING! IH SORRY! WHY AM WHISPERING? I HAVE SORE THROAT AND MY VOICE IS GONE. THAT’S WHY!!

All caps.
To emphasize that his word upset me.

My handphone rings.. EB calls again.
Me : hawo!
EB : HUAHAHAHAHAHA…..

Me : click!

the silly thing about being in love

I know what you think when you read the title. So hold your smile, it's not about me ;p

it's about a girl. and she adores a boy. and she tries soooo hard to impress him.
maybe the girl thought that he is almost hers. until she found out that the boy also spreads his wings to other girls.
she becomes disappointed. and insecure.
she starts doing silly things.
she starts bugging others, to get information about him.

and he knows.

but he is not angry at her.
he is still nice to her, makes her keep her hopes.
but he is also nice to other girls.

and the girl..
poor her.
she keeps doing silly things.
she keeps bugging others.

she just tries to win his heart.

if only,
she just tells the truth
and dares to face the fact, whatever that will be.

if only,
he could be more stern
and dares to tell the fact, whatever that will be.

the silly things might stop.
and I will no longer be bugged!!

a glimpse of paradise

tadi pagi jalan, masi kepagian untuk ukuran standar gw.
bau hujan, bercampur dengan bau dupa.
mungkin encik di sebelah kiri or kanan or depan lagi sembahyang.
baunya itu... bau tanah basah bercampur dupa
membuat gw keinget bali

inget waktu pertama kali mendarat di bali, untuk post baru di sana.
hujan baru berhenti di bandara ngurah rai.
ketika menghirup nafas saat kaki baru aja terjejak di tanah, bau itu...
bau khas bali.

duh kangen banget ama bali!

kang..e....n..nnn..n..n.. !!

Youth Pledge Day

So, this post it to commemorate youth pledge day, tomorrow, 28 October 2008.
Thanks to our founding fathers (and mothers) *can’t help it, can’t take gender bias ;p
who had somewhat and somehow declared the pledge under Dutch’s nose!
Do you know that the pledge was declared with the present of Dutch officials who observed the 2nd Youth Conference?
Do you know that during the youth conference, Mr Thabranie et all assigned some smart talkative youths to accompany and talk to the Dutch officials, in order to distract their attention from the content of the pledge?
Do you think the pledge could be declared if the Dutch Officials knew the content?
Pretty damn Smart, Thabranie et all!


I just wanna say, I'm happy that Thabranie et all made it. I love my country.

The fact that for some extent, my beloved country has so much to fix… doesn’t change my love and devotion to her. I can’t imagine living in other countries. I can’t imagine losing so much convenient by having everything you need ready to your door.

-Bang, ketopraaaaakkk! Satu ya pedesssss!

-Sayuur baaaang! Sawi ijo dua iket. Ngutang dulu ya, nyokap ga ada.

-Bur ayam, ga pake kacang ga pake emping ga pake sledri. Cakwenya banyakin.

I mean, where else could you find such luxury?

To question my nationality, honey, you’d better think twice!
Why, you should know damn well that I never, I repeat, NEVER buy piracy cd of Indonesian singer. Nor the piracy vcd or dvd of Indonesian movie. It’s a crime!

do you have any idea what our artist went through until their album/movie out to the market? Can you imagine their disappointment knowing the piracy version of their work already available in ambassador mall even before they launch their work? You might say, it’s the system, it’s the demand, it’s the label, it’s the player in industry..

Doesn’t matter, stop buying piracy!

Show some respect to our local artists. Buy original.

That' my pledge. What's yours?

legal draft on pornography

I came to a public dialog that I thought would not involve brain cracking. I was wrong. I kept thinking about it even after the dialog was over.

*Mungkin ini yg disebut mengendap di pikiran, halah!

It was a pro contra about legal drafting on Pornography. I was kinda contra to the draft. But after the dialog, I was not sure anymore.

Why?

Because my disagreement on the draft was merely based on the opinion from media, without really read and understand each article on the draft.
I guess you, yes YOU, also did the same. You disagree with the draft, said it’s terrible, it’s disaster.. but I’m sure you only read the definition of Pornography quoted from the draft by media.

Yes, the definition is still open for interpretation. Because it involves imagination.

I also learned from the dialog that media, some of them big media, really mislead the viewers by its opinion and false quotes from several experts. So this draft has been politically and ideologically corrupted. I don’t know the agenda, and hell I don’t care. I just remember the ‘Agenda Setting’ theory back then from campus (that media can set the issue from its lay out, headline, and content and affect the readers)

There were Ade Armando, Bagus Takwin, Neng Dara, Mula Harahap and Azlaini as speakers, and Hikmat Gumilar as moderator. It was very enriching experience.

One of the speaker said that we already have several regulation related to pornography, namely KUHP, UU Penyiaran, UU Teknologi Informasi. Wy don’t we just strengthened the existing regulation bla bla..

Another speaker said, we know that porn VCD is illegal. But somehow we can access it easily, and cheap too. Children can have it. That’s why 60% of the inmate in juvenile penitentiary (penjara anak-anak) in Bandung were sentenced out of pasal pencabulan. So will this new regulation guarantee that practice (selling porn VCD) won’t happen again? I doubt it.

Other speaker said, we can’t use KUHP anymore. It was made in the 80s. The situation was different back then. The punishment was quite lame, you will be sentenced for 6 months – 1,5 years to do pornography, and pay the fine Rp. 45.000 (I forgot the amount, but small). It won’t have ‘efek jera’. We need regulation as an umbrella for other existing regulation and also new adaptive regulation developed by provinces/districts.

The other said, there’s no single words in the articles that can harm the rich culture in Indonesia. This regulation was developed to protect people. Even for those who, by force, had done/produced pornography, is also considered on this draft( such us being raped and taped). Balinese can still have their dances, Papuan can still wear their koteka.

So I was wrong about this draft. Now I know better.
But I still can’t say that I agree with this draft. I mean, what’s the point? We can have many regulations, but we always take for granted the implementation.

I object it when people smoke in the public transport. I always express my disagreement rather obviously (but still in sweet manner dong…! ;p). The smoker can either accept my objection or give me their nasty look. Others, especially ibu2 will give thank you look. The ‘non-smoking’ sticker on the window would give me proud look. The driver would give me ‘kalo ga mau bau asep naik taksi aja’ look.
I could give ‘ heyyy, this is regulation!’ look, but will they care?
Where is ‘aparat dan perangkat’ that supposed to regulate that?

So whats the point of inaugurating the regulation that we know: we can't guarantee that this regulation will take effect?

*collecting my brain pieces that cracked over this thought